happy spring, happy new beginnings

i met up with p, my photographer friend, at whole foods, not to take photos this time but to get to know each other more. she likes to capture people's energy, she explained, and wanted to have a stronger sense about me before doing a photoshoot together. all i need is one photograph for the back cover. one good photograph. p literally fell into my life this spring. i love it when serendipity happens. what's a little eerie about our introduction is that she invited me the first time to come out with her and some friends, and those friends included my ex girlfriend, whom i had no clue she was friends with. what's more is p is BFF's with e's ex girlfriend, k, and k and i both dated the same woman right before we got into a relationship with e, and we both broke up with e, and i used to have a distant crush on k. am i making your head spin? k and i have never met face to face, but we have a knack for attracting the same women to our side. that makes three women in a row now. i'm excited about having p take some photos soon. the book is almost, almost complete.

the beauty about spring, to me, is the birds are singing, flowers are blooming, and the world feels suddenly lighter and fresh. i noticed today that it smells like spring, and i watched a blue bird perched on a tree limb calling out in tunes that only other birds comprehend. perhaps it was its mating call. i felt the urge to dig my hands into the soil right then, except had to face the return to the office. i wish for a more organic, simplistic existence with the house, the garden, and space to create. at heart i'm probably a hippie. "what do you really want to do?" p asked me. besides writing and art, i'm somewhat shy to say what i wish i could be doing as it goes against what i was in school for, like i've wasted parts of myself or something. designing gardens is what i would really be doing, and yet, i did not have the guts to go into that with her. p is an artist, and actually earns her living now as a photographer, occasionally supplementing her income as a vet tech. i'm fascinated right now with people who work for themselves and would like to be able to make that my reality in the future. when i look at her, i see how my life could be in my thirties, that when I turn 36, the world is not gonna split open and fall apart.

i wanted to spend an hour in the morning waking up slowly, doing some peaceful meditation, watching the sun rise. instead, i woke up feeling sleep deprived and rushed to get ready for the office. i hate this. i need to find a way out.