pride weekend.

yesterday was the gay pride festival.

i went downtown for the night parade, the one time out of the year you can be outside on the street drinking beer and the police don't care. T skated in the parade and stopped to kiss her girlfriend on the lips in the middle. it was sweet.

i was introduced to one of their friends who recently moved here. when i asked her about the leo tattoo on her back, she mentioned something about how an old girlfriend had gotten the tattoo with her. given the setting of the pride parade and what she had said, i thought she was gay, or bisexual, and spent the rest of the night flirting with her in gay clubs, which was fun.

we even held hands. and then i came to find out that she's straight. (so she claims). my heart sank down, down, down. i was in such a state of shock. i've never pursued a straight girl before. but it was ok in the end. i made a new friend at the least, and then got approached by a string of young and cute lesbians, women who thank the goddess wanted to do more with me than hold my hand, who would have possibly been interested in taking me home that night.

if only every saturday at the gay clubs could look like that for us in this city. lots and lots of girls. dancing. partying. flirting. making out. of course there were plenty of hot gay boys. i danced with one girl and stood lips to lips with another and had a longer conversation with one out on the patio with these big, blue, beautiful eyes. it was all in all a great night.

N said to me today, "honey, i gave up on you being with a man years ago. i'm surprised you identify as bisexual." i feel that bisexual is the most true and honest label for a woman like me. i've fooled around with men in the past, and would be open to sleeping with one again in a no-strings-attached situation, but am more lesbian identified. i've struggled throughout my twenties to understand who i am and how to explain who i am to the world. my heart and soul are wired to a woman, and at the same time, i appreciate the male form. bisexual is the only word i can come up with.

so with the publication of my first book of poetry, i'm out on the internet and out anytime someone googles my name. it has been liberating. no more hiding out in dark rooms.