gushing.

saturday. 4 in the afternoon. i'm sitting at rio rita with an iced coffee, one packet of sugar, a touch of half and half, and am re-playing these beautiful moments in my head.

she kissed me for the first time downtown after dark, standing in front of my parked car on a relatively deserted street, while two men walked by us, two ultra feminine women lip-locked, hands around each other's necks. i had almost forgotten how wonderful it feels to be kissed and how wonderful it feels to be dating someone. tomorrow, we're having a long, romantic day together in the sunshine. breakfast at a popular, punk hangout, a nature walk, swimming, and more. i'm soooo looking forward to it.

i had a father-daughter dinner last night over chinese takeout. my dad said, "honey, i've noticed how much happier you sound lately. your new job seems to be working out well for you." he thinks i'm gushing with happiness over my job. ha. i wanted to tell him about the new girl i'm seeing, but it is so new that i feel the need to wait awhile. no lies this time around. the relationship with e paved the way for greater openness with the parentals.

when i came out of the closet at 21, some of you reading may recall what their reaction was. my dad said he was "very disappointed" and that he never would have expected for me to pull something like this. he had one main question for me: "do women turn you on?" i would not answer that. my mom was "very, very, very disappointed" in me and said that i obviously need psychological help. "you must have such a low self esteem. clearly, you can't take the rejection from men. it's unnatural. it's so disappointing. you think that being a lesbian is so cool, don't you. it isn't cool at all. i want you to know how extremely disappointed in you we are. we are so disappointed that you are choosing this. you cannot possibly be a lesbian. you're far too feminine. there would have been signs when you were growing up. your life is basically ruined, because you'll never be able to hold down a job. no one will want you to work for them once they find out. you can just forget about having a career."

and she was obviously still living in 1976.

i let them take in the news over the course of the following six, seven years and today they are not as negative about my "gay agenda." they've chilled on that subject. maybe they have seen how happy having a girlfriend in my world makes me, that i'm successful with or without some man at my side, and that it is more socially accepted in this century to have a gay daughter. thank you lindsay lohan, ellen, and portia, to name a few. what i hate about my parents' reaction is that i became suddenly so sexualized overnight. imagine your dad asking you, "so...does being with a man turn you on? you think it's so cool to be with one, huh. well, you can forget about having a career, sweetheart."

like i've said before, my parents are square as it comes. they blend right into the country club and republican convention scene. people who are different from their fixed ideas about life are frightening to them, more so with my mom than with my dad. i appreciate the progress they have made in opening up their minds a little. they've become more accepting over time.