a friday night in.

it's 10:30 on a friday night and my contacts are sticking to my eyes. i've been awake since around 6:30 a.m. and feel sleepy, drained, and under the weather. i'm drinking a cup of chai to relax. i found out that my dad was laid off today. i'm worried, seriously worried for his situation. many companies out there are not interested in hiring on a 61 year old. i have a feeling, and i don't mean to be a pessimist, that it is going to take six months or more for him to find a job here, and who knows how stable that will be. i'm most worried because my parents are probably never going to be able to retire. some positive news is that i may be promoted at my company within the next several months. i presented an idea to my manager about how their website could be greatly improved and in turn generate more money, and he instantly talked to the CEO who apparently loves my idea and has been discussing it with his executive staff. i went into semi-shock that i was being taken seriously. if they actually implement my suggestions, i would be a full-time writer in the near future. fingers crossed. i would love to do that. i simply feel that i have no control over what someone else decides.

"you sound like you might need some me time tonight..." elle said over the phone. "just checking."

she is perceptive. i protested her statement at first and said, "no...i want to see you." then i knew that she was probably right. i would not be much fun to hang out with when i'm in this state, and i was being indecisive as hell, not able to narrow it down to one place for us to meet. i changed my mind every five minutes.

"let's go to vino vino, or the long branch, or how about the whip-in, no, halcyon, no, the gingerman? why don't you decide. i'll meet you wherever you want. the blue dahlia?"

usually i stay in on friday nights to recharge from the work week. it's like being in my cave. i need the solitude and the calm, time to be away from the world. i think that people are unique like that. i have my own rhythm and clock, my own likes and dislikes. simply because the rest of the world parties on friday nights, it does not mean i want to. i do not like 1. running, 2. cold weather, 3. waking up early, 4. science, 5. most fruits, except for berries and oranges, 6. drinking milk, 7. most sports and games, and 8. wearing the color pink.

it's true. i used to force myself to like running and the cold weather, but that goes against what feels good.

tomorrow involves house hunting and meeting up with elle and friends at a live performance in the afternoon. we're going to see hadassah hill, a queer femme performer from nyc, along with a huge crowd of people.