Dear Universe,

I revisited the land of men this weekend. We partied hard together. Like old times. Tangueray & tonics, wine, whiskey, cigarettes. My gay boyfriend was passed out in the next room and his straight friend told me then that he thinks I'm smoking hot and that he wanted to sleep with me. I thought, why not? I wanted to have a little fun. He made me feel worshiped. I appreciated his Leondardo di Caprio-esque physique and tried to relax crossing over into the side I had left years ago. It was interesting. I felt like I was in some other reality because, as you know, it had been 3 1/2 years since I was with a man. I closed my eyes during moments and imagined myself with A* and with my ex-girlfriend. Sex with him was affirmation that I cannot be with a man, not in an ongoing relationship. You know this.

My gay boyfriend, my poor gay boyfriend, woke up in the middle of it and must have been so confused. We were lying in bed for a long time afterwards and the sun rose. He said "You deserve beautiful women to date."

So. Please, I'm placing a request that you send me a wonderful lady soon. I will be forever grateful.

Love,
M