agatha and i drank a lot of red wine together at a wine bar down the street last night. i didn't have to drive home so i drank like a fish. the bar is in a renovated old bungalow right on east 7th. a little overpriced but worth the ambience. the temperature dropped to almost freezing and the arctic air officially marked the official beginning of winter. my lips turned purple from the wine. i won't post those photos here.

a late night photo of me dressed to go out. it sort of seems more like a mugshot.


today i went to a coffee house and re-read inga muscio's book, CUNT. she has gotten me thinking more about activism. there is so much attention called to violence against women - what about violence between women? as inga points out, it is perfectly acceptable for women to hate other women in our culture, to be cruel, prejudiced, back-stabbing, and downright catty. a patriarchal society needs women to stay divided. i feel like there should be more awareness about this: like a call for radical self-LOVE and for consciously spreading that love to melt down the hate. i feel like starting a "love project" on myspace.

the ad for the femme meeting is right along those thoughts:

FEMME ATX
A few of us femme-types in Austin have a desire for more intentional commuity. Maybe you do, too. Why? To increase femme visibility, to shatter stereotypes, to celebrate each other, to form alliances and allegiances and friendships, to plan badass events, to be radically in love with each other, to break down barriers that keep us apart.

i've found myself educating my straight friends on the various identities in lesbian land, identities which are forever fluid and in flux. a woman can go from butch to high femme overnight.

there is:
hard butch - butch - soft butch - boi/trans - soft femme - femme - high femme

i might be missing parts of the rainbow. i believe people are a blend of fixed and ever changing qualities. i was rather in the dark a year ago about all of that until i began seeing e, who was like the gender expression expert. it's stunning how dramatically your life can change within a span of 12 months. i look back on the life i was living a year ago on this day and i hardly recognize it. i was probably drinking wine and spending time with my ex-girlfriend. i had this great girl to make out with. i was working at the old company. i had just bought a car and was no longer reliant on the bus. and some of the people close to me are no more; my best friend moved out of state. sometimes, like right now, i become nostalgic and wish i could rewind time to last december. life feels harder this year. nonetheless, i am smiling more.