milk.

we met at the ritz downtown. there was a 1950s black and white clip before the movie started warning children about the dangers of 'homosexual perverts,' and showed this boy running from a man following him out of the public restroom. it was f*cking hilarious. "milk" was about two hours long, and it was comical, moving, and inspiring. you should go see it! i found the relationship between harvey and his lover to be the most touching part and witnessing thousands of gay people marching through the streets of san francisco brought tears to my eyes. i realized i have been in the dark about the gay rights climate of the seventies. for me the movie definitely struck a deeper nerve than it did for the man i was with. he did not grow up being a closetted gay ballerina or face discrimination over his sexual orientation. he has not marched for gay rights like i have. he has not had to listen to his parents go on about how disappointed and sickened they are about his 'lifestyle.' he has probably not forced himself to engage in physical acts with people he had little interest in being with because he felt pressured to play a role to survive. the movie made me proud of belonging to this community of people, and i missed the hot sex with my ex-girlfriend and i missed my friend, the gay rights activist, and i have resolved to get out there more in 2009 and meet lots of girls. afterwards, he and i had interesting conversation and double chocolate stouts at a bar down the street. the streets were blanketed in a warm, londonesque mist.

*
"we have a responsibility to treat ourselves with kindness and then we will treat the rest of the world the same way." - natalie goldberg

the whole day had been my day to practice this sort of loving-kindness i used to not give to myself. i had lunch at an indian restaurant and bought a bouquet of red roses for myself. i dyed my hair a deeper shade of brown, which brings out the natural red highlights, and tacked a sweet card from my activist friend to the wall, beside the cards i save from all of my friends. her message makes me smile every time i see it. i think that i need to see it every day. months ago, she surprised me at work with the most gorgeous bouquet of white and blue hydrangeas at a time when i was feeling down (i.e. after the breakup), and my co-workers were convinced i had some secret admirer i was not telling them about. the flowers made me glow for weeks.

*

more from natalie goldberg:
-say YES to life
-love the details
-accept loss forever

i believe in the power of glitter.