be careful what you wish for.

one of the baristas at the coffee house said today: "you mean...you haven't found a job yet?"

it's a sensitive subject. i'm actively applying. trust me on that. i'm doing what i can. i know that something good will come along. it must. on some days, like today, i feel as though i'm not doing enough work in the world, and i'm not talking about the paid sort of work. (funny i should say this now that i'm unemployed). i always live as if i'm about to die any day now, which probably explains my tendency toward impulsiveness and speed. i wish to spend my time doing work that actually matters, you know, work that is enriching lives, because as soon as you die, how you have treated people around you is what matters most. that is how i see it. i've spent quite a few years in offices in front of a computer doing paperwork to pay the bills. be careful what you wish for, because i did wish that i no longer had to work for the company i was at. i had even confided in close friends that i wanted to do something else back in october, and bam, i was out of a job the following week. apparently, my thoughts are powerfully manifested. i'm now concentrating on these words:

+i will find a job soon and i will love it.
+i will meet someone fabulous this year and i will fall in love again.

there. i got that off my chest. i'm sending out positive vibes.

the editor at the publishing co. is still reviewing my manuscript. i wish he would say YES, we would love to publish your work. it's this project looming over my head. he wrote today that he will get back to me soon. oh- patience has never been one of my virtues. come hell or high water, the book will be printed and bound and on the shelf at bookwoman. it would be most excellent of him if he wants to support a local poet. the book is in part protest of prop. 8, 69 pages chock full of poetry on politics, lesbian love, sex, rainbows, and city life.