food.

the queer potluck brunch was a smaller circle of people than i expected. i had some one-on-one time with e's friends at their apartment, and we ate and drank coffee in their cozy living room. i think it's a shame (a travesty, a crime) that e and i are not pals. but i remember that this is her choice, and i think she's a fool for tossing me aside. -there.

no one brought up the subject of our relationship or the current status of my dating life, which is beginning to feel more and more dismal as the winter days roll past. it is no wonder that my body reflects the hole i felt in my heart for the past year. it is no wonder i lost my appetite and dropped weight. who wants to eat when they're heartbroken and feeling un-beautiful. the life change shows.

to put some of the fat back on i'm switching to a vegetarian diet for awhile (in the past i've gained weight as a vegetarian) and one girl recommended drinking whole milk every day. i want to exude the healthy inner and outer glow i used to have. i quit cigarettes, i'm thinking about cutting out coffee and switching to yerba mate (something i would have deemed insane three months ago!!), i'm lifting hand weights, and i'm planning to return to practicing active yoga. right now i'm drinking this chinese tea called kombucha. word on the street is that it restores balance and vitality in your body. i'm going to see how i'm feeling in june, six months from now, when the city will be flowering into summer and i won't have to bundle up at night.

i viewed each new person rocking my world at the potluck brunch as a blessing. being around some of these women (one hot trans-boy) made me miss e more intensely, but i'm reframing the negative thoughts. i will be in a new relationshipand romance is not hopeless.

my new job begins sometime soon. waiting to find out the actual starting date. it feels good to be able to say "i have a job." next on the list of lists is to find a new place to move into.....