the new year.

the first post of 2009. i attended a potluck dinner with yinon and he was such a gold-star gay boy for going to a lesbian party with me after that. the moment we walked in, we got some looks. i saw one woman look at me and mouth to another: "straight." she was obviously from the dark ages. how can you know what someone is by looking at them? it ennerved me. i was dressed up for the night in black tights, a skirt, and a sexy top that shows some cleavage, partially revealed beneath my black coat, and after some years of dressing down my flaming femininity to somehow fit in more with the lesbian community, i have swung back in the opposite direction. i will be openly bisexual or feminine or whatever i am and not care what some people think. what it comes down to is embracing and valuing who you are. i told yinon that if any women gave him trouble, they would have to deal with me and my high heels :) no one was rude from that point on. we had fun drinking glasses of wine and chatting with a few ladies, and stood around a bonfire, soaking in the warmth from the crackling fire, listening to the musician perform. the night was ended with a view of fireworks flashing over downtown and sitting in his kitchen with a cup of hot tea. i like today because today is the day that i let go of negative energy from the last year. today is a clean slate. a new beginning. it feels liberating and exciting. e was my first real lesbian relationship. she was my first true lover. i want to honor her place in my world and be able to move onto a new relationship with someone else.

my horoscope of the day:
Try to relax and just clear your mind of negative things today. This isn't about ignoring real problems you may be confronted with, it's about learning how to let go of worry and let yourself focus on more productive things -- things that you can control. Because there are just too many things in your life that you just can't do anything about, and if you spend all your time distracted by them, you'll only frustrate yourself. You can be happy if you really want to be.